If I were Stanford Pines
by Crazycatscarmen
Summary: My take on Ford coming through the portal. Complete with fluff and a little pinch of Stangst. Mostly Crack. Is this a crackfic? Please tell me.


**This is what I would have done if I were Ford.  
**

* * *

When Ford saw the swirling blue lightning of his home-dimensions portal, he couldn't believe it.

Thirty _years_ of traveling the multi-verse and he finally got to go home.

He ran straight toward it.

Now, he knew he should probably be angry. In fact, he should be ticked. He should walk into the portal and punch Stan right in the face because there was no doubt that it was Stanley on the other side.

But he was just too darn _excited_. In his early years hopping to different universes, he found himself daydreaming about his home often. About all the things he missed about it. Sometimes it was his family or school. Sometimes it was the civilization, even though he had never been much of a socializer. But occasionally, it was more mundane things. Ice-cream. Coffee. Not being threatened by death every few minutes, you know the normal stuff. A bed.

Yeah. Stanford Pines was excited. Maybe it was a bit selfish, but he couldn't really make himself care just then.

Running through the portal, he relished in the tingly sensation, that to a less hardened person, was more like burning. _I'm finally going home._

...

Stanford Pines stepped out of the portal. The smile he wore was one that could never be paralleled. (Not in this dimension anyway.) He looked at his old busted up basement with wide-eyes. It was his alright, even if it was a jumbled mess, he knew his work when he saw it. Stanford Pines looked up to the ceiling and full on, _Whooped!_ Not even aware of the other people standing in front of him. He couldn't stop laughing, overwhelmed with impossible joy.

"I'm home!" He hollered, falling to his knees. He picked up some gravel-like debris and threw it in the air like confetti. "FINALLY!" He fell backward, lying down to stair at what most thought was a gloomy ceiling and what he thought was beautiful. His trance was only broken by a word.

"Ford? Brother?"

Stanley. Stanley was here! Ford looked up with absolute glee and ran into his brother's arms. "STANLEY! Frell, I missed you. Look at this place! It's a mess! I LOVE IT!" Ford was so bubbly and adrenaline-fueled, he couldn't stay focused on one thing for very long. A thought suddenly came to him that could not be ignored. He held Stan's shoulders firmly, face becoming grim. Stan started to look nervous.

"Stanley." Ford began. Stan nodded, probably expecting yells of anger or screams of indignation. Instead-

"This is very important. Do you have chocolate? And coffee?" Ford asked, a smile breaking out once more. Stanley laughed,

"Ford, what's gotten into you?" He chuckled. Secretly, he could feel tears of pure joy pricking at his eyes, but he ignored them, and everything. Until-

"What on earth is going on here?!"

Ford turned around to see a girl, a very confused and kinda upset looking girl glaring at them. Ford turned back to Stan with eyes wide in question. Surely these weren't...?

Stan smirked, "Shermie's grandkids. They, uh. Didn't know you existed until just now." Stan looked a little upset about that, but Ford shrugged it off, preferring to enjoy that fact that he had-

"A niece? And nephew! Stanley, why didn't you say something?!" Ford bent down and held his arms out to the girl. She obliged him with a giggle and screamed in delight when he picked her up and began spinning, laughing the entire time. Stan watched on in absolute bamboozled amusement. He gasped when they fell to the ground, Ford tripping on something beneath his feet.

Ford caught them both with ease, which made Stan raise his brows. When had Sixer gotten so fit?

Letting the girl climb off his chest, he looked down to see what had tripped him up. He gasped again, "My journal!" He bent down to pick it up and held it in his hands fondly. He only looked up when someone screamed.

It was the boy, he was looking at Ford in astonishment. "You're the author of the journals?!" He squeaked. Ford grinned.

"You've read my journals?" He held out the book proudly.

The boy screamed again and started to hyperventilate. Ford walked up and rubbed his back soothingly with a chuckle. "I think that's a yes then."

That's when the boy passed out. Ford caught him and laid him on the ground. He turned back to Stan with concern, "Is he always like this? I can't talk to him if he keeps passing out like this."

Stan was laughing hard enough that his tears ran down his face uncontrollably, his mirth uncontainable. "Dipper. And probably. They've only been here for the summer..." He said between chuckles. His fit ended abruptly when something caught his attention.

"Uh- Ford. I know you're super excited, and I'm really happy to see you. But uh- we've got the government on our doorsteps."

Ford looked up at the screen in mild concern. It wouldn't too hard to get rid of them. But the kids... and he was sure Stan wasn't a big fan of hiding bodies either. His brow furrowed in concentration, he rambled out loud as he thought.

"Stanley, I am overjoyed right now, but I'm going to need some explanations. After a shower, gosh doesn't that sound amazing?" He murmured. His mind far away from what his mouth was spouting.

The girl was sitting by her brother-twins. He noticed absently and she looked up. "Uh-maybe I can help? Mabel's my name, by the way. I have to say, Grunkle Ford? That your hair is positively floofy!" She bounced a bit at the last part, obviously an excitable child.

Ford smiled a bit in recognition of her strange compliment. He laughed. "I like you, you're weird. Now, what supplies do we have?" He asked. He didn't even mention the idea of pulling out his gun on all those men. These kids didn't need his nightmares. The girl- Mabel bounced up and walked over to a backpack. She started pulling things out.

"Well, we have a rope? Textbooks-ugh, nerd. Um, some doo-hickeys, oh and the memory gun! She pulled it out and handed it to him. He smiled gratefully.

"Perfect! Now all I have to do is..." He trailed off into nerd babble that Mabel and Stan didn't care to listen to. He shouted suddenly,

"Cover your ears!"

Stan and Mabel did so hurriedly, so did Soos, but no one had noticed he was even there yet. A loud shriek went off that was enough to wake up Dipper, whose echoing scream might have been an even higher pitch.

When the sound ended, they all noticed Ford was suddenly gone. Stan almost freak out, until he saw his brother on the screen, yelling at the confused agents, holding what looked like Mabel's art. As the ringing died down they heard the last bit of Ford's speech:

"What are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek?! Get your butts outta here before I have you all court-marshaled!"

Stanley thought he really liked this version of his twin. Still nerdy, but with a new, amazing sense of humor. Stan pulled the kids along, to go meet his twin upstairs. Ford met him with a smile.

"Stanley, we need to talk." His smile made it seem less severe, but Stan was still waiting for the shouting of years of bitterness and anger. He told the kids to scram. They did, reluctantly.

They sat on the couch that Stan had put on the porch. Ford sighed. "Stanley. What happened? Why is my house covered in-I don't even know. Why did you open the portal? Didn't you read my warnings?" His voice was angry, in a way. More resigned, like he knew crap went down and there was nothing he could do about it. Stan laughed- but it was a twisted version of the joyful bellow Ford remembered.

"Yeah, I did. It wouldn't have stopped me." Stan looked away.

Ford smiled, but it quickly turned into a grimace, "Stanley, you do know what could've happened, don't you? What probably did happen? I shouldn't even be sitting here right now. I should make sure the rift I'm sure is there is contained. The longer that rift in existence, the more dangerous it becomes. If Bill comes through...Even I shudder at the chaos that would create."

Stan looked confused but didn't answer. "Well, I guess we have time for answers later. If-uh. Whatever rift thingy down there could destroy the universe, I don't wanna leave it down there long enough to let that happen." Stan stood up and turned to the door when Ford turned him around by the shoulder. Stan only had time to cock a brow before getting pulled into a tight embrace.

"Thank you, Stanley. What you did for me, I didn't think was possible." Ford leaned away with a smirk, "And they said you would never graduate high-school. Welcome to theoretical physics, Stan."

Stan's eyes widened, "oh no, heck no! You're still the nerd, even if I can understand what you're saying sometimes." He ran to the basement, Ford close behind, laughing,

"Aw, C'mon, embrace the nerd side! We have Pi!" Ford chuckled at the age-old joke when Stan groaned.

"Don't you even!"

Ford sighed happily. It was good to be back.

* * *

 **Why hasn't anyone done this yet? You're welcome.**


End file.
